One of the themes on this blog seems to be how the Universe offers us lessons that will aid us in our spiritual growth. And it's not like you reach a certain point and think "Well, I've pretty much learned everything I needed to, thanks!" - just as we continue to physically change all our lives, so do the lessons we are given.

The whole process of realizing that once Lauren's cancer returned, there was not much any of us could do to prevent it was gut wrenching. I cannot begin to tell you how many nights I cried and cried on my way home from work after hearing the results of this test or that test. It almost literally tore my heart out of my body. I miss her like you wouldn't believe and know that will be for quite a long time, as she was my true "soul" sister. But my heart is beginning to heal and I can speak of her without tearing up (although not at this moment) and I know that her warm sweet spirit is with me for all time.

So, when I got the news that my mom has breast cancer, I thought "oh, no. I can't go through this again" and so soon after Lauren. The feelings for my mother are weighed down with so many things where my love for Lauren was the purest I've ever known, so there's a mish mash of feelings going on inside about it all. But I know that lessons will be given to me by going through this with her. I don't know what the future will bring (who does?) but I do know that it is my place to be beside her through this, as much as I want it to just all go away (for a lot of reasons).

Looking back over how things went down with Lauren, I see that my angels were looking out for me in all ways. They gave me just what I needed, when I needed it. And all I have to do is ask and then pay attention. I consider Lauren one of my greatest teachers in this life by showing me what true, unconditional love felt like. In a completely different way, my mother is also one of my greatest teachers. It is through my relationship with her that I've learned the lessons that helped me get to where I am today. I really like myself now in a way I did not before and it's really through working out a lot of "mother stuff" that I got to this place. So, I honor her for that. And I keep my eyes open for both lessons and support learning them.

Recently, I've been reading a book by former president Jimmy Carter called "Living Faith". This is the second book by president Carter that I've read and the more I learn about this kind man, the more I respect him.

His voice comes through very clearly in his words and I can almost hear him speaking in his southern cadence. But what comes through to me most of all is that this is a man who truly walks his talk. He does not cloak his actions in the guise of spirituality; rather, he embodies his beliefs to walk the path of kindness and service to others. This is something I am working toward. Working toward the goal of making my words and my actions congruent. For some, that's probably pretty easy but for me, it's only come into my consciousness that I haven't been doing that. Reading about the life of president Carter and the questions he's raised while making decisions that affect the entire United States has helped me see that, while difficult, one can truly live their beliefs.

It's also given me space to examine what my true "of the heart" beliefs are. It is my desire to be of service to others using the gifts that I've been given. I believe that all things, large and small, happen for reasons we may never know. That there is a guiding order to the Universe is probably my strongest belief and has been with me for many, many years. And the more I delve into the world of spirituality and metaphysics, the more I see this is true. I believe that thoughts have energy and what you think about expands. You bring to yourself what you put your focus on (consciously and unconsciously)and I've seen this in action in my own life. I have other core beliefs but for now, I will leave it at this.

While I don't fully share president Carter's evangelical beliefs, I can see and respect the energy he brings to living those beliefs. Not to get into politics since I've tried to keep my feelings about that off these pages, but his presidency is considered to be a failure. And that fact saddens me because it seems to me he was the most concerned about the greater good of all the citizens he was elected to protect. He writes openly about his feelings during that time and the questions and struggles he endured. It's enlightening, to put it mildly.

I would encourage anyone interested in "walking their talk" to read some of president Carter's writings. Interesting and engaging, he comes across as one of the most honorable men in our midst today. And I respect that immensely.

... the rest is still unwritten.

Have you heard this song by Natasha Beddingfield called "Unwritten"? It totally speaks to me on about a zillion different levels and fits particularly today as I open the book to a different chapter of my life.

Having been released from the boring and tedious job I took in January (bows to the Uni for the divine timing), I am now actively putting myself out there to the public as a Reiki practitioner and spiritual healing facilitator.

"Feel the rain on your skin - no one else can feel it for you" she writes. Each of us has a unique view of life created by the melding of roads taken and not taken. No one else can offer just that same perspective.

The rest ... well, it may be unwritten now but each day I will create that book, page by page.

Unwritten
Natasha Beddingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins