One of the themes on this blog seems to be how the Universe offers us lessons that will aid us in our spiritual growth. And it's not like you reach a certain point and think "Well, I've pretty much learned everything I needed to, thanks!" - just as we continue to physically change all our lives, so do the lessons we are given.

The whole process of realizing that once Lauren's cancer returned, there was not much any of us could do to prevent it was gut wrenching. I cannot begin to tell you how many nights I cried and cried on my way home from work after hearing the results of this test or that test. It almost literally tore my heart out of my body. I miss her like you wouldn't believe and know that will be for quite a long time, as she was my true "soul" sister. But my heart is beginning to heal and I can speak of her without tearing up (although not at this moment) and I know that her warm sweet spirit is with me for all time.

So, when I got the news that my mom has breast cancer, I thought "oh, no. I can't go through this again" and so soon after Lauren. The feelings for my mother are weighed down with so many things where my love for Lauren was the purest I've ever known, so there's a mish mash of feelings going on inside about it all. But I know that lessons will be given to me by going through this with her. I don't know what the future will bring (who does?) but I do know that it is my place to be beside her through this, as much as I want it to just all go away (for a lot of reasons).

Looking back over how things went down with Lauren, I see that my angels were looking out for me in all ways. They gave me just what I needed, when I needed it. And all I have to do is ask and then pay attention. I consider Lauren one of my greatest teachers in this life by showing me what true, unconditional love felt like. In a completely different way, my mother is also one of my greatest teachers. It is through my relationship with her that I've learned the lessons that helped me get to where I am today. I really like myself now in a way I did not before and it's really through working out a lot of "mother stuff" that I got to this place. So, I honor her for that. And I keep my eyes open for both lessons and support learning them.