I am very fortunate that one of my "gifts of the soul" (per Rose) is a very strongly developed sense of empathy with others. Some days, I think it's a bit too strong but that's a story for another time. It is this gift that allows me to the ability to choose my words carefully when speaking to others because I have a sense of how it will impact them.

Might I delicately state that this is NOT a gift I inherited from my mother? She's a "blurter" - given to just saying whatever is on her mind without that filter that many people have. You know that filter. The one that tells you "Oh, this might not be a nice and/or appropriate thing to say to someone" or "Gosh, what if this were said to me? How would I feel?" I am quite often the recipient of said blurting. And while I admit that I take things a bit too personally at times, I still can't help but feel that at some point, it's really important to understand the impact of your words on another.

Even during heated fights with ex-boyfriends, I never, EVER used anything they told me in a vulnerable moment against them. That seems to be a cheap shot, you know? I would try to argue my point with them but would never think of cutting them with my words. I've had that done to me and it really hurts. Perhaps things said in the heat of an arguement bounce off most people but I cannot just spew. I'd like to sometimes I'm human and I get pissed and think crappy things. But thinking it is different than SAYING it (although I am really working on the "thinking it" part too). Once you've said it, you have no idea how it will impact that person. Will it truly bounce off them? Will it worm its way into their soul and cause them pain? I don't like to do things like that. There's enough pain out there as it is.

I just know how I feel when I've been dumped on, whether it's by my mom, a former friend, or a stranger. And as I'm working on following the "Golden Rule", I don't want to do to others what I dislike being done to me.

Below I've quoted from a diary Cindy Sheehan wrote on Daily Kos. As you can imagine, I am a big Cindy supporter. I think she represents the heart of peace and has taken on the "smear merchants" and helped put a face to our collective pain regarding this administration.

While I won't go any deeper into politics than that on this blog, I will say that she really gets it. What is the IT she gets? "... his heart is connected to ours, his heart just forgot that." She gets that we are all connected. Once you begin to open your eyes to this and are not blinded to the "us vs. them" mentality that is so popular both here and in other countries, you can appreciate what she and so many others are trying to do.

Abu Salem and I talked about how we are all the same on the inside no matter what color, religion, language we speak, or what artificial border line we were accidentally born in. We all have the same hearts. Our hearts are all connected. When I reluctantly admitted to Abu Salem that even George Bush's heart was connected to ours, I thought he was going to crash the taxi. He yelled; "F**king, Bush. He has no heart he is a demon!" I softly replied to Abu Salem as I had my own epiphany: "No Abu Salem, his heart is connected to ours, his heart just forgot that."

No matter how much I struggle with this fact: George Bush is a human being, too. No matter how far he has strayed from his humanity and no matter how he seems to revel in the callous killing of innocent human beings and the destruction of a country that was no threat to ours, the same Universal Creator who created us, created him. The same Creator who created the babies in Palestine, Lebanon, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Israel, created George. The same Creator that made my darling, faithful, and sweet boy, Casey, created George!

This is the mission of Camp Casey this year: To remind George and the rest of his heart disconnected administration that their hearts are connected to ours and the innocent people of the world who their thoughtless greed are killing. It is also our mission to remind the people of the USA who still support the carnage that their hearts are connected to the babies and children that are wantonly being killed. I have realized from the start of Shocking and Awful that George was killing people who are connected to my heart. I realize that he is killing my brothers and sisters of the heart and that is not acceptable to me.

Like one of my most favorite writers, Anne Lamott, I struggle to send love and peace to someone I really dislike. An essay she wrote for her book "Plan B" was about how to love someone you truly despised. Sure, it was easy to follow God's words when the person in front of us was incredibly lovable. The true test came when that person was anything but.

Here's a bit of what she wrote in that essay courtesy of Salon.com:

I'm often sick about Bush, the war, joblessness and the deficit, but I was also soul-sick this summer to discover the secret gladness in me, gladness that everything has gone to hell for Bush. It was sickening, to feel relief when things went badly in Iraq, when joblessness didn't improve, and I hated this in me even as it alone gave me hope that someone else might end up in power next November. I felt addicted to the energy of hating Bush, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft. I thought that if we stopped hating them, it would mean that they had won.

So I sat there in church working this through in my mind, tugging at it, yet hunkered down on the inside to protect myself from having to take it in, and then the pastor said the most stunning thing I've ever heard her say: "When someone is acting butt -ugly, God loves them just the same as God loves the innocent. They are still just as loved by God." I was shocked. I thought, Boy, are you going to get it when Mom finds out. Also, I thought she was talking about the White House, but then she kept on preaching, about Jesus, and Dr. King, and -- if you read between the lines -- the people in my church. All of us -- and there are some exquisitely good people in this church. It was outrageous. She said you don't have to support people's political agenda, but you did have to love them, if you want to follow Jesus. She said you could tell if people were following Jesus, instead of following the people who follow Jesus, because they are feeding the poor, sharing their wealth, and making sure everyone has medical insurance. Then I zoned out.

Unfortunately, change is not my strong suit. Neither is forgiveness, or letting go. Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it. But the willingness to let go comes from the pain: and pain makes us willing to change, and effort to change changes you, and jiggles the spirit, gets to it somehow, to our deepest, hardest, most beautiful, ruined parts. And then Spirit expands, because that is its nature, and it drags along the body, and finally, the mind.

One of the things I pray for is that this administration opens their hearts and minds to see beyond their own gain. Yet, in my heart I know that we have this group of individuals heading up our government so that collectively, we will all learn some of the hard lessons. I don't know all of those lessons but coming to grips with the fact that we are all one is the place to start.

I heard the U2 song "One" today and this line fits this theme perfectly:

"We're one but we're not the same
We get to carry each other, carry each other ..."

I like to take those goofy quizzes over on blogthings for the fun of it. I'm usually surprised at how right on the mark they are. Scientific? Hardly. But fun, all the same. So, I took the one below called "Your 2006 Summer Anthem" and look what it brought up:

Your 2006 Summer Anthem Is

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield "No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins"

I find that a little more than coincidental since I wrote on here back in June how that song sums up where I am right now. When I spoke with Jayne Howard Feldman earlier this summer, she said that this year was the year that I turned and faced my path completely and unabashedly. And she was right. As I continue to step forward, I see how things have lined up for me to do just that.

But the path is not without its challenges. I am aware enough to see them as "tests", if you will, of my determination to stay on my own path. I know in my heart that I have a role to play in my world service and must put my energy toward that. (I hope I don't come off as all pompous and above it all, because I really don't mean to.) I know that I am but a channel for divine energy and light to flow through and want to use that gift to be of service to others. And while it's true that I take my "healing presence" wherever I go, it's been made clear to me that there's a specific path I am to follow and I need to be aware of that.

While I really like who I've opened myself up to be, there are parts of the "old" Lisa that I miss. I don't know how to balance them and it seems (key word) easier to let one just take over and bury the other. I don't think that's the best way but right now, it's easier for me. (This probably makes no sense but it's all I'm sharing now.) Suffice to say that this probably will continue to be one of my struggles for a while. I know I'm to learn something from it and I have faith I will but it definitely puzzles me.

Anyway, I know I will look back on this year as a HUGE turning point for me. I finally stepped into my role and am no longer playing "as if". I like that.

Today is where your book begins ... the rest is still unwritten.

... should I have had ANY doubt? (I didn't, actually)

One of the things I know about myself is that when I'm ready to move out and do something, it just happens. If I try to force it, it doesn't flow and feels unnatural.

Well, let me back up a bit and explain what I mean. I've been harboring a desire to be fully out there and do healing work and Reiki as a career. Yet, the timing wasn't right and I was hesitant to step forward. I didn't know why but it just didn't feel "right" to me. And while I'm a believer in "fake it 'til you make it" school of thought in general, for me, that's not always the answer. If I don't fully FEEEEEL what I'm doing, then I can't be present and give it my whole heart. My beloved husband is a "doer" - something comes into his head and he acts on it almost immediately. Suffice to say, my "wait 'til it feels right" attitude frustrates him.

To be fair, there have been times that his urging has coincided with my "feels right-ness" and great things have happened. For example, he urged me to contact Regina and see if she would be open to renting her Reiki studio so that I'd have some place to take someone who makes an appointment. I felt kind of silly asking someone I barely knew if I could use her studio for a set fee but figured I had nothing to lose. Her reply? "All things are possible. Come and talk to me." And thus began one of the most wonderful friendships in my life.

Back to the issue at hand, though. In January, I published a newsletter and really wanted to get things moving. While I was pleased with the newsletter, it didn't "feel" right. It was like I had taken a pie out of the oven and it wasn't quite done yet. Soon after, Lauren's illness progressed and I was caught up in that and processing the pain of letting her go. Everything else got shoved on the side, as you can imagine. In the months following her transition, I've grown an amazing amount. I have come to understand that I take my healing presence with me wherever I go. I am no longer dressed up in "mommy's clothes" but have fully come into who I am. Little by little, I am making changes - working on letting go of judgements, sending love to people who need it, opening my heart up and letting the goodness flow out into the world. It's been a natural progression for me which tells me it's right AND that it's my path.

It's August now and I am once again working on a newsletter. I've been invited to stand in for Rose Rosetree at the Pathways Expo in October along with Beautiful Flower, Rose's assitant. We will be doing aura readings and talking with people who are interested in the work Rose has trained us to do. Regina has begun a program for her Reiki students to use her studio to see friends, relatives and clients at no charge. I've had someone email me saying (and I quote) "I want to learn what you have to teach." I was bowled over, to say the least. Things are falling nicely into place and I will be doing the work I am here to do. Of this I am sure.

So, as Regina said to me, "all things ARE possible" to which I would add "when the time is right". For me, that time is now.